This is a grainy photo of the half yeti, half man that has become known as "Acker". The offspring of an ape escapade gone wrong, Acker has been known to be seen running around the city of Pittsburg, naked and singing the lyrics to songs by Yes and other unknown "classic rock" bands. Be careful, if you see him, locate a stick, and prode him. If he reacts, run away while flaying your arms in general directions. This will disorient him and cause him to crave alcohol.

Matt Eganhoose, partner in raving crime. Has been known to enjoy wearing baggy clothes and making out with girls covered in calzones. Note: is deadly with micron lights and/or other glowing materials waved around in circular motions.

This is Lenny. As you can tell, he's in the spanish underground mafia. He's also into S&M. Haha. He also is a Porn Star, and frequently makes booty calls to 60 year old ladies. I sometime quest to be as elite as him. Or as gay as him. Whichever comes first, I'll be sure to hang myself like he has.

This is Eric. As you can tell by this picture, he's quite fanatic about his drugs. We often talk about his problem, and other various issues, such as the yeti, orientals, cup o' noodles, fat people, and hot pockets. Right now he doesn't have a bio page, so you can just assume he's a Nazi hate mongrol who also is cruel to stuffed animals.

It looks like Dubya isn't the only alcoholic in Emerica. Looks like fun times all? But not for Pharkle. In between lusting for Ronald McDonald and making bush = h-mo signs, he attends Columbia and makes funny sounding music.

This is TK. As you can tell, she is hot as hell, and I'd like to bone her. She's quite simple, and she enjoys petting her fike and other various activities. Eww you pet your fike?! I'll be getting married to her in a few years. We're going to have a polygamist relationship with Eric Hole and Lenny. It shall be an Anal Tag Team Extraviganza!

This is Kit. As you can tell by the photo, he is involved in some sort of Beastie Boys video, without the Beastie Boys. But that's about as good as it gets for him I suppose. He enjoys rioting, shouting, and generally shekanery.

This is Jeff. He's a football hero. He's going to attend Big City U Football College where he will major in Communications and Football Management. Furthermore, he likes to drink beer and have sex with Mexicans. That is all.

This is Bruce. If you can't tell by the real-life picture, he's oriental. He told me his life long dream was to become a scientist at Los Alamos and sell the nation's secrets to China. I don't understand why, but he told me I need to lie if I'm ever questioned about this later in life. I don't understand a lot of the things he says.

This is Jared. He claims to be a Jew with a big cock. Truthfully, it sounds like an oxymoron to me. But whatever.

People I hate - To create more intrigue and suspense of the people who I utterly despise are, I will only make slight hints to it, next to their real life pictures.

This is Kim. I hate her. Hehe.